Should Kids Do Chores?

I think that everyone in the house should do chores or help to maintain the household.  We have tried all kinds of systems over the last 20+ years.  Our oldest is 24 and I am not sure exactly when he started helping out around the house, but do remember that our first formal chore chart with allowance tied to completion and behavior was at 5 years old.  We gave him a quarter for each activity he completed up to $5 per week ($1 per year of age), but we also withheld a quarter if he misbehaved.  I made a chore chart with simple tasks such as brushing his teeth, helping to unload the dishwasher, taking out trash, etc…  All he had to do was put a sticker on the sheet when he did the task, this worked for awhile but then he got bored and quit putting the stickers on the chart.  He still did his chores, he just didn’t get paid for them so eventually we quit messing with the chart.  I tried it again with the younger kids with similar results, they are excited when we start but eventually that wears off and they stop putting the stickers on or marking the chart.  I even tried a few years ago using an online chore chart that they could mark on their iPods, this was new and kept their interest long enough for them to earn some pocket money for our Disney trip, but as soon as the trip was over, so was the chore chart.

I know that there are a lot of different ideas on how chores, daily tasks, and allowances should be handled.  I have tried lots of different versions over the last 20 or so years with varying results.  I have came to the conclusion that it really doesn’t matter what you do, nothing is going to last or be extremely useful unless you give it a lot of time and attention.  This goes against one of the reasons that I want the kids to do chores, to free up some of my time.  If I am having to oversee some complicated program and having to remember who is supposed to do what and remind them all the time, I could just spend that time doing the chore and it would be done better anyway.  Kids do not usually give chores their best effort and sometimes they have to redo them multiple times to learn that it is better to do them right the first time.  If each person in a household does their part, then everyone has more time to spend enjoying life and each other.

Another reason that I want my kids to do chores, is to teach them responsibility.  I do not want to raise kids that think that everything should be done for them.  They need to learn to budget their time early on if they want to have good grades and participate in sports or other school activities.  They will have plenty of time to play and have fun if they learn to plan ahead and make sure that their schoolwork and chores have been completed in a timely manner.  These planning skills are vital in high school and even more so during college.  My oldest is a procrastinator and while we had a few instances where this was a problem in high school, it really gave him fits in college.  When he didn’t want to write an essay or complete some big project, he would put it off until the very last minute and stay up all night finishing it, turn it in and crash.  We usually found this out later and no matter how much we talked to him, we were not there to enforce rules or regulate his activities like when he was at home.  We learned a lot from raising him and we have tried to teach the other two to be more responsible for how they use their time and to do a little each night if they have a large project, not leaving it all to the last minute.

They also need to know how to run a household and all that entails – wash dishes, wash clothes, clean the floors, cook, pay bills, shop for food and supplies and much, much more.  You can learn these things later after you leave home, but I am here to tell you that it is much harder.  I was the baby in my family and my parents were older so they didn’t have a lot of patience to teach me things and were just used to doing it all themselves.  I didn’t know any difference and never learned to really clean or cook anything, sure I could put frozen food in the oven and make an omelet but that was pretty much the extent of my cooking skills when I moved to college.  I still didn’t know much about running a household when I got married a couple of years later.  We ate a lot of fast food and pizza those first few years.  I didn’t want my kids to be like me, I made sure that Shane knew how to cook simple things and follow a recipe, wash dishes, wash clothes, clean the floors, bathtub, toilet and sink, mow the yard, put gas in and take his car for an oil change.  One thing I didn’t think to teach him was how to shop for food and necessities.  His first year in college, every time he walked into a store, he called me to ask where to look or what to buy.  I added that to my list of items that kids need to learn before they leave home.  While I still do the majority of the shopping, Devin can pick up his medicine, buy school supplies or pick up milk if we are out.  Shaylee goes shopping with me a lot now that she is older.  She even likes to go in by herself if she is with her dad and they need to pick up a couple of items.

What we found worked best for our family was assigning chores to each person according to their age and level of responsibility.  We gradually added chores as they got older and reassigned some to the younger ones.  Shane was responsible for washing the dishes, cleaning the bathtubs, taking out the trash, washing white clothes once a week and stacking the wood on the porch or mowing the grass depending on the season before he left for college.  Devin cleaned the floors, cleaned the table off after meals, put up the dishes, helped put up the white clothes and carried the wood in the house.  Shaylee was still quite young at that point so she helped set the table, brought in the mail and picked up her toys.  After Shane left we gradually shifted the chores down as the kids got bigger.  Devin now washes dishes, white clothes, and his bathtub, takes out the kitchen trash, and stacks the wood on the porch.  Shaylee now cleans the floors, clears the table off, puts up dishes, takes out the little trashes, brings in the wood and mail, helps put up the white clothes, and cleans our bathtub.  We all know what they are responsible for and if something is not done, there is no question about who is responsible.

This doesn’t mean that they do their chores all the time without being reminded, but since they know what is expected of them they usually just do them to get them over.  We do help them out sometimes if they aren’t home or have a lot of homework.  Devin is quite busy with school and sports so he tends to try to get all his chores over at one time.  This works for most of them except for the dishes, they need to be done daily or at least every other day so we do end up helping him with these during soccer season or if he works a lot during the summer.  This is part of being a family, everyone has responsibilities but helps out the other members when there is a need.  If I am not home, they know how to cook simple meals for themselves.  They both know how to sort and wash clothes and if needed could take on that responsibility.  They both know how to turn the water off if we have a leak, they both know how to build a fire and add wood to keep it burning.  These are all things that everyone needs to know to live in our house.

So yes, I believe that kids need chores.  They need chores to teach them to be good responsible students, workers, roommates, spouses, parents and citizens.  While kids think that having to do chores is unfair, teaching them responsibility is for their long term good.

What do you think?  Do your kids do chores?  What works or worked for your family? Leave a comment and let me know.

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